Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
