I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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