Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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