I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
