Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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