I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
