so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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