When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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