Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
