The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
