fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
