Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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