I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
