I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
