a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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