she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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