i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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