we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Blood and glitter go together right?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
