I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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