he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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