Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
