im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
