i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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