shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
