I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
