He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
