He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
