im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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