I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
