I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
