I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
