I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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