i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
