look no pants
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
birth control should be required to get into college
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She made me pour olive oil on her.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
