How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize