no, he came in my armpit
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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