smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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