im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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