mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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