my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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