I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
