It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
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I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
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The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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