My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
