I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
