Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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