Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So many bounce houses so little time
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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