Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
