can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.