What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.