Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby