I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
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I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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