I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
