i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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