I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
