Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
