I think I am morally bankrupt
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
