he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
