Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
