Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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