You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
