I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
