We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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