I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
