you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
