Umm I'm too high to move.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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