I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
