Swine flu is the new snow day.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
