Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
