She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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